Cause and Effect is the next in the explosive series of self help psychology books by Michelle Hatcher.
Taking the bull by the horns, this extraordinary journey of self discovery is the ultimate companion for anyone going through the mid life stage of wondering what life is all about. Light hearted and bittersweet, Michelle gives a frank and open account on how she managed the news of her son’s diagnosis of Autism; how she felt, what she did to move forward against a backdrop of schools, authorities and even close family members defying the odds. She comes clean over her expectations for his future highlighting and confronting many of the questions parents are met with on facing Autism alone.
Moving into the external world, she encourages the reader to take a good hard look at society today. Using a backdrop of events that shocked the world from the sudden death of Princess Diana to the unimaginable loss of Robin Williams, Michelle takes a walk through what happens when we’re hit by loss, grief and suicide and how we can grow and move on from tragic events with a stronger outlook despite the odds.
Michelle opens up the world of human psychology and takes a fork and dives into the strange universe that man has yet to conquer successfully. Using 20th century events, 19th century beliefs and 21st century logic, this book will have you laughing, crying and thinking deeply about your life, the future of the world and why we are the way we are.
This wonderful mind blowing book about the mind is available now on Amazon Kindle.
This is a subject I often get asked to talk about; naughty children.
I am not sure I am entirely happy with the term ‘naughty children,’ it rather sounds to me as if something is being done deliberately by the child to cause an adverse reaction in the person/parent or situation, but more often than not, it is more a simple way of getting through an uneasy situation.
NLP looks at behaviours from another angle. We are all a system of behaviours from when we get up in the morning to when we go to bed at night. Each mannerism, word, act, smile and interaction is an intricate sequence of behaviours. If you think of our nervous system as a circuit board not that dissimilar to one in a laptop, then all NLP teaches us to do it home in on the behaviour and change it to a newer, more efficient and updated programme.
Children are more often than not, the people in our society who are more likely to act up every now and again (although I know some adults who are very good at this too!) And there is a specific reason why it is children more than any other demographic in society; a lack of life experiences and well, programming is to blame. And the reason why adults can behave badly in society is the same lack of programming, although this is usually a an unresolved issue in the life stage transition that needs to be rectified.
In NLP, there is no such thing as a bad behaviour. What someone might do is something that their mind sees as a good or positive intention. The mind, as far as I know, is useless at being bad. What happens is that a good intention either consciously or subconsciously has forced the person to do or be something that’s not acceptable. The behaviour has a good intention and as far as the mind of the child is concerned, that’s all that’s important.
Ok, I guess I was there with you right now, I would be able to see you frowning. I shall put it another way; a child might have learned that to get what they want (and this is only ever at least one of the six human needs that Tony R0bbins talks about; certainty, uncertainty, acceptance, connection, worth, contribution) by behaving a certain way. If the behaviour is subconsciously then the subconscious mind cannot determine what is right or wrong. It does what it does for its own reason. It doesn’t know how to accept or reject lessons, especially when it comes to good/bad behaviour. The child reacts with a behaviour system it thinks will get it what it wants. The adult interprets the behaviour as bad as the adult’s conscious mind knows that they is not acceptable behaviour. The adult scolds the child and the child cries. As far as the child is concerned, it hasn’t done anything wrong and therefore doesn’t understand the telling off.
Ok, so what do you do if you’re the parent?
First of all, think back to when this behaviour started or at least back to a time when you recognised this behaviour happening. What is the child asking for? What is the need? Now, bearing in mind, this might not be exactly what you think it is. NLP teaches us to go beyond the behaviour. As many successful NLP practitioners will tell you, their client’s problems are never the problems they think they have. It’s always a cover up for another issue that needs resolving. if the child wants an ice cream and you would prefer it not to, is the child associating the ice cream with comfort? Is there another needs that needs addressing?
As human beings we are very good at covering up stuff. We can layer on thickly all sorts of diversions right from a very young age which deflects what we really want in life. Sadly, it is these layers that stop us from fulfilling our true potential. Dig deep down beyond what you think is the problem and you find the root of the issue.
Bringing your child into the world and nurturing he or she as they grow and develop is all about teaching them positive behaviours, good communication skills and so on. It is a tought enough battle for any parent. Add a learning disability on top of that such as ADHD, Autism and so on, and the challenge becomes greater. With my son, who is now 15 and has autism, programming good behaviours in has been very challenging. With Autism, there is a social element as well as a communication one that needs to be addressed before any developing can really start. Communication is 90% of our lives, either to ourselves or to other people. With children on the ASD spectrum, their sense of identity is very different to the rest of the world. Coping with how they see themselves is very much half the battle, so something like NLP which doesn’t judge, segregate or categorise people in any way shape or form can be the key to unlocking the potential that lies within everyone.
If you would like a FREE 30 minute consultation with me on how either NLP or Life Coaching can help you find your answer, then please do get in touch with me as I would love to help you. You can fill in the form below or if you prefer, email me direct at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you
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What sort of gifts then to they have? The ability to find something funny? The ability to view the world from a different angle? Yes. The ability to make us feel proud from their achievements. Yes. A resounding yes.
Jonathan is almost 15. He is bright, top of the class in most subjects in fact, he is sharp witted, clever and a damn good solider on Heroes and Generals. He is to me, the most extraordinary and most accomplished son I could have ever imagined to have.
But there is a problem. A big problem that day which we had to get through…
Jon’s mind works on one level. We stand in the corridor at school, that evening and we’re waiting to go in and see his English teacher. Dad asks him what he wants for dinner. Now this presents a problem in Jon’s mind.
Jon’s brain says to him, ‘hang on a minute. I need to deal with this first. I am standing in the corridor at school, its dark and its the evening. I am never at school at this time of night, and it doesn’t fit in with my world. THEN, I have to deal with the fact that I am surrounded by people I know, school friends, but then who are those people who are standing with them? I don’t know them. Are they parents? Siblings? Oh dear, I don’t like this. This situation doesn’t make sense to me. We are next in to see my English teacher, which means I have got to walk out of my comfort zone, across the corridor and everyone’s going to look at me!! NOW Dad asks me what I want for dinner???? Can’t he see I am dealing with this awful nightmare??’
Dad paces up and down impatiently. He hates being at school. It reminds him of his own parents evenings from decades ago.
Jon’s brain says ‘I’m going to have to deal with this question now and I don’t know if I can.’
I can’t answer that right now Dad. Dad doesn’t understand… and then Jon storms out with an overloaded brain and we don’t get to see his English teacher after all.
Autism is a complex adjustment to the world around us. A world that you and I take for granted most days. Our brains are like filing systems; rather like having a secretary standing at your brain’s desk with glasses on the end of her nose and pen and pad posed ready to take the actions for the day.
Our brains say ‘Now, Miss Doyle, I want you to take this down, we are currently standing in the school corridor waiting for the English teacher, but we need to start thinking what we want for dinner. Can you come up with a few suggestions for the board please Miss Doyle? And, oh yes, we need some milk and bread on the way home, and we need to think about if the Sky box was set correctly for EastEnders.’
Yes Mr Brain (she scribbles down with such speed)
‘Oh an Miss Doyle? Can you make sure that we have the shirts ironed ready for school tomorrow?’
Yes Mr Brain.
In Jon’s brain, there is a very different scenario going on….
‘Miss Brown!!! Miss Brown??? Oh bugger, why won’t she come in? Oh blimey, I haven’t got a secretary…. right better sort this one out myself… and where’s that banging noise coming from? I can’t concentrate…. argh! Science homework, I can’t think about that right now… ok, deep breath…. right, where are we? Oh yes, school corridor…. for what? English teacher…. but it’s dark outside. What the Hell are we doing in school? It’s dinner time… I shall call down to stomach, see what’s going on down there…. (beep beep) ah yes (picks up the intercom) Stomach? what’s going on? What do you mean, you can’t talk right now? Sorry? Dinner? Well, I can’t think about that now can’t you see we’re in a corridor at school? What are we doing here? It’s parents evening, stomach, are you not keeping up with this? Yes, I know it’s dark outside…. hang on… there is someone else on the line…. (beep beep) hello? Ah yes, feet, all ok down there? What? Oh I see, you need to walk across the corridor…. you say you can’t do it why? Oh…. so what did eyes say then? Someone looked at them funny? Well who? Oh….. they don’t know…. well, there’s no point asking voice box to ask them, voice box is not having a good day. Well, you see its Thursday and they always have Thursday’s off…. hang on, there is someone on the other line…. Hi ears, how are you? What? When? well, this can’t be? I can’t deal with that question! Dinner you say you heard? Well, I’m sorry there is just far too much going on!! Miss Brown? Miss Brown??? Oh yes… I don’t have a secretary…..’
All we need to do is feed information to them clearly, correctly and using the right tone, and preferably one thing at a time. If we remember that these children are better at dealing with only one scenario at a time, they would feel more secure and happy. Routine is a key thing I have learned from Jon. The idea of parents evening might be something that is in our sphere of understanding twice a year, but to Jon, it is like being on another planet at the wrong time of the day. It is overload and the only way for Jon to clear overload in his mind, is to walk away from the whole thing. I completely understand that and have spent many years happily following him out of buildings and places of interest, everywhere.
It is something I will always do.
These kids are brilliant, their brains are sharper, quicker and deeper than we will ever understand, they just need a different kind of guidance, support and love. Then we can really watch them flourish.
As for the English teacher, well, we will see her another time.
In daylight preferably….
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